Five Minute Free Write: Talk about your day

I went to the doctor yesterday. Shocking. I went to the doctor yesterday because I’m having whacked out hormone problems and cramps and bloating and I feel like I have to pee all of the time. Basically it feels like I’m pregnant but they tested me and I’m not (thank you, Jesus.) I have to go in on Monday for an ultrasound to see if I have fibroids which would be awesome because then they could fix them and I would feel better and in a magical world, I would have a twenty pound fibroid so when they cut it out, I would lose twenty pounds. But it’s 99.99999999999% guaranteed that they won’t find anything.

Because they never find anything.

It really does feel like I’m in a zombie apocalypse situation because I’m walking around all half dead except no one notices that I'm secretly a zombie, they think I’m a regular person for the most part.

If you haven’t already seen that one hilarious zombie movie, Warm Bodies, you have to google zombie movies until you find it. And then buy it. Or the book. That movie is hilarious.

I feel sad because it is impossible to lose weight (especially with a forty five pound invisible fibroid.)

Remind me later to find that orange juice drinking therapist who makes instagram videos about not being afraid to eat.

I wish I had the patience and photo skills to make an instagram/youtube/fb/tiktok/whatever is popular now channel based on my dog. And could get rich like the grumpy cat people.

I’m pretty sure one of the grumpy cat people was a talented graphic artist or photographer or something so maybe they would have eventually become famous with or without a grumpy cat.

We adopted a grumpy cat from the pound once during the grumpy cat era and that cat, as nice as it was, had so many freaking health problems. Poor little guy, he was very expensive and that was in one of our most broke phases. For a long time after he died, I had nightmares that he was actually still alive and he would show up in all of these weird places, half alive and half dead.

I’d be like “Grumpy cat, we missed you! Where have you been?” And other times, he’d see us and be all pissed, like a pet cemetery cat.

I haven’t actually seen that movie because scary movies give me nightmares.

What doesn’t?

My son is reading IT and it makes me worried, I hope he doesn’t end up with nightmares like me. When he was a baby, he would have night terrors and it was super scary and freaky.